now we are 36
Do you remember how it feels to be very, very small?
Every once in a while I have these glimpses of how I felt when my body and my brain were so new in the world. The cool feel of my pink holly hobbie sheets as I was tucked into bed each night. The view from my bedroom window overlooking the fields with our horses. Sitting on a pile of books, toys, games, clothes in my room, reading or coloring while my parents tried eery trick they knew to get me to clean my bedroom. Sitting too close to the television watching Scooby Doo. Being bummed out in kindergarten when I found out we didn't get homework yet. (Sometimes I made some up on my own. That kind of motivation was killed off by the public education system by the middle of first grade.) I was stick thin with long golden hair and rubber bands for knees.
I don't long for my childhood anymore. In fact, when I make an effort to recall it so vividly it's really as though I am still there. I think that we don't really move through time. We just collect it. So that year I was six, 1975, is still with me. Consciously I can really only experience bits and pieces, but if you think about it, how conscious are you of all your experience right this minute? I think all the time we live is with us for all time. Maybe that's why our bodies start to get so tired after awhile - 36 years is a lot of time to be carrying around.
Other than fighting off the common fears that women get about aging (cough, vanity), I don't mind a thing about growing older and hopefully older still. There is such confidence and peace of mind that come from knowing yourself and what you need. There is far less anxiety and each year I simply feel more powerful than the last. I never felt the least bit powerful when I was 26 and definitely not when I was 16.
You trade all that for your flawless skin, perfect legs and flat belly. The truth is that older woman gets the better deal, but damn to hell those marketing demons who have taught us to want what is unnatural and unreal. I do wish I was skinny with perfectly smooth skin. Damn, I want my younger body back. They tell me it's in here someplace, but I have to work three times as hard to keep it and I just have other things I want to do.
As my father in law says, if you're worried about age, just consider the alternative. I'll take what I can get.
Every once in a while I have these glimpses of how I felt when my body and my brain were so new in the world. The cool feel of my pink holly hobbie sheets as I was tucked into bed each night. The view from my bedroom window overlooking the fields with our horses. Sitting on a pile of books, toys, games, clothes in my room, reading or coloring while my parents tried eery trick they knew to get me to clean my bedroom. Sitting too close to the television watching Scooby Doo. Being bummed out in kindergarten when I found out we didn't get homework yet. (Sometimes I made some up on my own. That kind of motivation was killed off by the public education system by the middle of first grade.) I was stick thin with long golden hair and rubber bands for knees.
I don't long for my childhood anymore. In fact, when I make an effort to recall it so vividly it's really as though I am still there. I think that we don't really move through time. We just collect it. So that year I was six, 1975, is still with me. Consciously I can really only experience bits and pieces, but if you think about it, how conscious are you of all your experience right this minute? I think all the time we live is with us for all time. Maybe that's why our bodies start to get so tired after awhile - 36 years is a lot of time to be carrying around.
Other than fighting off the common fears that women get about aging (cough, vanity), I don't mind a thing about growing older and hopefully older still. There is such confidence and peace of mind that come from knowing yourself and what you need. There is far less anxiety and each year I simply feel more powerful than the last. I never felt the least bit powerful when I was 26 and definitely not when I was 16.
You trade all that for your flawless skin, perfect legs and flat belly. The truth is that older woman gets the better deal, but damn to hell those marketing demons who have taught us to want what is unnatural and unreal. I do wish I was skinny with perfectly smooth skin. Damn, I want my younger body back. They tell me it's in here someplace, but I have to work three times as hard to keep it and I just have other things I want to do.
As my father in law says, if you're worried about age, just consider the alternative. I'll take what I can get.
